The act of giving is much talked about in practically every part of world. It transcends religions and shatters geographical and other visible and invisible boundaries. The person who gives unconditionally is considered noble and benevolent at heart. All that is great. But does the act of giving alone fulfills the intention with which something is given? I am not too sure about it. I am reminded of Newton's law - For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Rephrasing it a bit, for every action to be fulfilled there needs to be an equal and opposite reaction. The act of giving can only be complete if it accepted with the spirit it is made.

For instance, how can love and affection be complete if one is not capable of receiving the love. Yes, love can be bestowed unconditionally but is that complete? How can one be complete freedom when the person being given the independence is not capable of receiving it. This list could go on and on - advice, mentoring, coaching, any opportunity and so on and so forth.

Should we judge every thing before giving or should we just give and can only hope that it will be taken in the right spirit? This comes back to the question of expectations of the giver. Should the giver be unconditional? Of course, it is situational and decision depends on the receiver. But what if life does not always give you the opportunity to gauge the receiver? Should we or should we not give is a question?

As an aside, what is special about few people who are able to give anything without hesitation, consistently and unconditionally? What drives them? Or are there hidden expectations that are not apparent to the eyes of lesser mortals?

For a change I am going to retell a story - The story of six blind man and an elephant.

There were six blind men and they embarked on a quest of finding how the elephant would be. Since they were blind, to get a picture of how the elephant would be like, they have to start feeling the animal. The elephant being huge, the 5 of them feeling around the animal at different places.

The first blind man walked over to see how this thing would be. He bumped himself into the side of the elephant. He put out his arms to either side, but all he could feel was the big body of the elephant. So he claimed that the elephant is like a wall.

The second blind man walked over to the front and grabbed the trunk of the elephant. He started screaming and wailing. "Elephant is like a wall! That is ridiculous. This is like a snake. Step back! Step back! Just in case that this thing is poisonous".

The third blind man who perched himself at the back of the elephant, felt its tail. He says, "Hey you two. There is no wall or snake. You both are wrong and please don't fear. Elephant is like a rope and seems very harmless".

The fourth man started feeling the legs and of course, he had pass a judgment too. He declared, "The elephant is but four tree trunks. No wall, no snake and of course, no rope either. Lets move on now."

The fifth man went over to the front and started feeling its tusks. "I feel two sword like things. Strong and smooth. Is this animal like a sword?". Finally a question, instead of a declaration!!

Are any of them wrong? How can all of be so incorrect and yet so correct!

Wonder what happened to the sixth man? He was quietly listening to all this. He heard and realized that the 5 of them walked off in different directions and felt the animal. He was triggered by the question the fifth man threw out open and started wondering aloud and threw a question of his own.

"Guys, what if you are all true. What if the elephant is all that you said?".

There were objections and chaos, the primary reason being, the elephant could not be all of this since the animal would have to be really huge if it has to be all of what was described.

The sixth man, apparently the wiser and more creative of the lot, asked, "Well, why cant it be huge? Why are we curtailing our thoughts with the invisible restrictions? There is no rule that an animal could be only this big. What if we are all in front of the biggest animal on earth?".

The other 5 had to agree. It takes a some listening, some observation and some thinking to put all of the different pieces together.

You see, difference of opinion always helps if we take it constructively. The difference, really makes a huge difference in getting the complete picture. Multiple perspectives allow us to attack the issue from various fronts and dig out the strengths and complement the weakness. That is the power of having multiple perspectives. But do we as one single individual generate as many perspectives? In my opinion that is not possible. And here is where the wisdom of crowd pitches in. Precisely the reason why there is a jury of 12 men (or rather people) - with different backgrounds, education profile and ethnicity. In recent years, women are a part of jury. Now, corporations find that having such differences is important. They find that it is more effective to have at least a woman on board or in a team. The pull and push between the basic nature of men and women compensate so beautifully in a team. The woman in the team pulls the reins on the aggressive schedules which is typical of a man. The over-meticulous attitude of woman is complemented by get-it-done-fast-and-neat attitude of men.

But jury and corporations bring in differences by choice, not by chance. There is a process around working with differences. Even if the differences get bigger and unworkable, there is a process of iron-hand-sorting - basically remove people who have too rigid opinions. The loss is not very high for the institutions and could afford the luxury having differences with a certain risk factor.

How do we react when it happens by chance in a personal environment? Do we cope with it well? I am afraid the answer would have to be a no. We do not do too well on that front. We feel threatened and we are afraid of losing our "face" since our opinions are what we are when we come to our personal front. While having different opinions is encouraged in an controlled , professional environment, we shy away from that in an intimate relationship. We feel the risk is too high to cope with. We ignore that there are differences and try to work around it. The best path to solution of a problem is through it and not around it. We fail to realize.

All this happens because we feel we are the set of opinions we have. We are more than our opinions. We should be having opinions yes, but weakly held - not weak enough to accept things we don't believe but not strong enough to be blind to other facets.

The coach pats the back of the player saying, "Well that throw was good, but not good enough".

The teacher tells the student, "Your score in Math is awesome, but your history sucks". (The student wonders, "What the heck, isn't 75% in history good enough?". As if anyone cares!)

The teacher shares his opinion of the ward to the parent, "Your son is a brilliant student, but he needs to behave in class".

The boss says to his sub-ordinate, "You are the most hard working person I have ever run into, but you know what? That is not enough, you need to work smarter.". (The guy scratches his head pondering, 'Whatever that means! I finish everything he says and more before the deadline committed. Should I be smart enough not to complete it before the deadline? Hmm, may be thats the smarter way')

The mother comforts the son who demands a toy, "Yes baby, you behaved as you promised, but the toy has to wait for a while for you are still not old enough". (The child wonders, 'How old should I be to be 'old enough' and why didn't she say that I was not old enough when she made the promise')

The husband wonders aloud to his wife, "Honey, you are look great, but can you also wear this high healed sandals and put on the white t-shirt instead of the one you are wearing. I think you would look out-of-world if you do that". (The wife thinks, 'Oh, isn't it enough to be looking great and I very much want to be in-the-world.')

The wife complains to the husband, "The vacation was great but we should simply have stayed there for couple of days more, for I didn't get to shop to my heart's content!" (The husband blinks stupefied, 'Good lord, we are returning with three times the luggage we went with and she thinks we haven't shopped enough. Whom does she think I am, a goose laying golden eggs?')

A girl confesses to her friend, "You were right, I acted stupid but I cant help it and I don't think I would be able to change my ways. I know it would be difficult for you but I think you would be able to accommodate or adjust or just simply ignore if at at all you think our friendship means anything at all you". (The friend finds it cheap of herself to say, 'And sweety, you can demand a little when you have given a little, what can you give to demand this of me. Do I mean something to you?')

A guy in his early 30's muses, "Hmm, we will be going the family way shortly and I should stop being such a spend thrift but may be after I spent my heart's content for the next couple o' months.".

Oh the medicine is bitter, you know, but it is sugar-coated. By the way there are some nice but's in life too. Something like,

"The old lady in the corner apartment was asked to vacate".
"Oh! But she was such a nice lady"

"The film was short but it was so sweet that I wish it were longer".

But there is always a but.

Scenario 1:

"Can you buy me a cycle mommy?", the two year old quizzed his mother. "You may have it when you come first in the class.", answered his mother. He meets the expectations and asks for it the cycle again. And lo, he gets what he wanted.

"Mommy, I want the video game", the kid places another demand. "You be a good boy at school and stop fighting with your classmates. I don't want your teacher complaining about you. Let us talk about the video game then". The kid behaves nicely and he gets what he wants.

Days, pass by and the kid gets things like cycle when he meets the expectations set on him.

Scenario 2:

The employee asks the boss, "What should I do to get the promotion?". The boss says, "You are doing at a great job at the current level. But you should take more responsibilities and accountability to take you to the next level.". He sets the ground rules and keeps raising the bar with incentives once they are met or chides him when he fails to meet.

These are just few of the instances in life where expectations are set and effort is taken to meet them. Even personal relations are not immune to them. Many times we expect few things from parents, friends and even life partner without telling them. When they are not met, the hurt that entails is more often carried for a long time. In countless cases, such disappointments how ever trivial they are, hurt us with intensity that is ineffable purely because they are caused by someone dear to us and whom we hold in high esteem. The effect is compounded multiple times because we don't expect such actions from one whom we hold dear and with immense respect. Funnily enough, the dearer the person is, more reluctant are we to say 'I expected you to do this for me'. The reasons could be many fold. (But then our minds are masters of imagining reasons and coming up with justifications.). Whatever said and done, when there is disappointment, the more intimate the relation is, the more effort it takes to handle.

While the whole world seems to be bound by this intricate whirl of expectations, what drives the rescue workers who selflessly unearth the debris? What do people who feed the orphans day in and day out expect in return? What drives the true spiritual leaders? What keeps those who fight for environment going?

May be, just may be, we all should try parking our expectations aside for a while and let people be what they and how they want to be .

Uncertainty , chaos and confusion..

Most of us are dissuaded by their mere existence in any minuscule form. Mere absence of predictable events and order seem to drive us nuts and set us on a frenzy. What we do not realize in all the confusion is that it is a brilliant opportunity to seek the order we crave for.

An opportunity to do something..
An opportunity to learn..
An opportunity to seek..
An opportunity to co-operate..
And much more..

I am reminded of a quote I had come across recently.

If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties. - Bacon, Francis

It is paradoxical in way certainty seems to pave the way by its mere absence and lo, what a blissful journey it would be for it would be eventful.

My mother insists it is not good to have any unfinished jobs lying around and it should be done with all the might!

Hmmm, I have a grossly undone job lying around for a long time - That is my unfinished childhood.

Oh I had a lot of fun as a child. Lets not mistake that statement. But I guess one is never satisfied of something that one loves more than anything else and considers precious. I guess my childhood or rather anyone's childhood is so.

I don't think I am over the business of being innocent - I guess I never got enough of it. That is unfinished business #1.

I don't think I got enough of the carefree moments - I don't remember the last time I had been so. That is unfinished business #2.

The moments I savor dreaming of the impossible and outlandish things are moments of ultimate freedom. How is that for unfinished business #3?

Being a childlike in the manner that parents have no complaint about..

Finding truths by observation - the ubiquitous curiosity about everything I saw and the incessant string of questions of whats, whys and hows and why not's.. The learning acquired thus..

The art of enjoying very simple things like rain, butterflies in flight, the beauty of the sky and trying to make images of random arrangement of clouds, try to find the rabbit in the image of the moon..

Breaking into a genuine heart felt smile when I run into someone I know - even remotely and at times even strangers..

Getting up each time after a fall as if nothing was ever wrong.. The supple mind which I seem to have lost along the way or did not develop into a form that would fit my adult life

The readiness in apologizing..

The short-term memory of forgiving the negatives..

The sheer energy..

The art of sleeping the moment I hit the pillows, dreaming of kings, queens and super heroes..

And many more..

I believe that I am not fully satisfied with what I have developed as an adult. If Life was like a career path, may be, I should resign from my adulthood and get myself demoted to childhood, develop these faculties completely so that I don't again shed them.

(Oh, let me not accumulate anymore unfinished business in life)

Trees generally outlive a man's life time. (Err supposedly. Now they are cut down recklessly for various human comforts, unannounced). If there was a tree which had seen at least 3 generations of human life and supposing trees could think, what would the thoughts be. A walk down the road lined with trees on either sides made me think. I am trying to pry around a little and sneak into the tree's thoughts and try to do a guess of what it would be. I suppose it would be frowned upon as an a job of a totally jobless person and of someone who is a little unset in his/her brains, but an I think it would be an interesting exercise.

I suppose the trees would be surprised with the differences that are so stark today and the days some 2 or 3 generations back.

I think the first and foremost thing, the trees would be wondering would be what happened to the beings that were walking upright on two legs - whether they were replaced by some other funny things that move on four wheels drawn by poor animals and more recently by some puffing beings that seem to move only when they excrete.

Why whoever left of human beings had to slay other trees...

The contrast between the efforts to protect the "endangered" trees on one hand and slaying them on the other..

The obvious speed at which the time flies..

The haste and frivolousness around which the world revolves at the present times ...

The smiles that have turned into frowns irrespective of the comforts..

The confounding search of something that people seem to be always after something irrespective of the comforts that have been acquired over years of development of mankind. I guess the trees would be as confused as we are as to what we are after..

The lack of grand fathers accompanying kids to school telling the kids the legends and folklore passing on the pearls of wisdom..

The lack of peace and omnipresent haggle..

Abundance of advertisements for fitness tactics and slimming techniques..

And many more..

I do agree that some of them are essential changes that need to happen. But many of us do not live a life that is fulfilling. May be, that is something we need to awaken to. May be spend a little less time online and more with people and care a little for the earth that is bearing the burden of experiments of man kind.

Ugly and beautiful..
Simple and intricate..
Good and bad..
Love and hatred..
Innocence and guile..
Knowledge and ignorance..
Honor and ignominy..
Happiness and gloom..
Sweetness and bitterness..
Acquaintance and Stranger..
Intimacy and distant..
Clarity and ambiguity..
Boredom and interest..
Pure and Perverted..
Sacrifice and Sin..
Truth and falsehood..
Fact and fiction..
Attraction and repulsion..
All and none..
Full and empty..
Day and night..
Hope and despondency..

It seems someone's idea of quirkiness to create entities that act in tandem and against. A big joke played on a human mind - to perceive seemingly two opposite things in the what is the same. There seems to be no so called "thin and invisible" line that separates one from another. But we happily tire ourselves in search of a reality that does not exist - a mirage that invites us to lose ourselves in search of the obvious but what appears to be elusive. What we see of anything at a particular point is what we want to see and what we are at that point of time. But we embark on an endless argument of what is right and what is wrong. Little do we realize is all are the same , one is all and all in one.

Successive bomb blasts..
Himachal Pradesh Stampede..
Train accidents ..
And on and on..

I am reminded of a poem that I came across in my school. I think it was one of John Keats' - about Adam's fear of the night and his comparison to our fear of death. Keats was trying to convince the reader that our fear of death is as silly Adam's fear of beautiful star-lit night. He was trying to convince the reader that there is beauty in pitch darkness and absolute stillness, a form of peace bestowed forcefully after a few hours' uproar.

But what about the fear of causing someone's death or shock / sadness upon hearing someone's death?

When we hear about the news of various mishaps for the first time, it shakes us a bit initially and then as more and more of these keep coming, we take it in the stride, thanks to our adaptive mentality towards news that affect us not-so-personally. In some sense, it has got to be there. The power to shrug the bad things off our back and move on is needed. But have we reached a point where we pay scant attention to the pains of our race, save those blessed souls who rush to volunteer help? Have we reached a point, where the pain of a fellow human being affects us not? Are we turning cold to the suffering and appeals of help? As if nature's punishments are not enough, we create our graveyards with bomb blasts and what-nots.. Have we total disregard for human life's value, if not just about any form of life? I feel we are slowly and steadily getting there. And this is something that should be of concern to many. In some way, this is a fear that should exist in each one of us - the fear of shedding the tender feelings in the wake of a hurried life. Keats cannot justify the lack of this fear.

Of late, I feel assured when someone feels disturbed upon hearing a second person's pain.

Fear of death is silly, it happens to every one of us and thankfully, it does happen. But dying because someone induced death is not so silly and the fear for self is universal. This triggers our basic instinct for survival causes us to be on alert and dubious of each other - creating zillions of islands out of one single human race. We are specks in the whole scheme of things but we act as if nothing else matters.

Will we reach a state where we feel moved over poignant suffering of any living being - beyond geographical boundaries, beyond races and religions and zoological classification?

"Mommy, can I learn cycling?".

I was drawn by a kid's request when I was onto my way to the fiction section in a renowned book store. The kid must have asked seeing some posters that were lying around - posters of a boy whizzing past a shop in a bi-cycle. I was curious to know the mother's answers and like many of the protective mothers, the answer was a strict "NO" and of course the big NO was justified gory details of what would happen if the kid happened to fall, the hurt and the pain and even to the extent of taking an antiseptic shot. If I were 5 years of age and I were the kid placing the request, I am sure I would not have asked the question again. I am sure I would have pictured myself a cripple given a kid's vivid imagination.

Now, it is not a very uncommon thing. Mothers are concerned about a kid's welfare and are the first ones to put their heart and soul in recuperating their kids. It is a natural protective maternal tendency. But that does not give them a damn right to intimidate them. Kids have a natural inquisitiveness and drive and thrust for doing things that they have not done so far. But we as parents, while we enjoy when they take their first step, tie their hands and feet from doing things that would really open their world. In so doing, intentionally or unintentionally we pass the wrong messages to the kids.

I would salute the mom who would have answered the cycling without painting a gory picture of pain and agony, saying, "You are not yet old enough to drive a cycle of your own. You might fall down and get hurt. You will be able to do that one day, but it is not time. However, we can do something else that you might enjoy. How about a cycle with supports. Later on, we can take the supporters off and see if you can manage. If you can, and even if you get hurt then, it would be bearable and am always there to take care of your bruises". Now that does not sound too negative and of course, there are various versions of the same. But you get the point anyway. Borrowing a word from a friend's vocabulary of frequently used words, we "condition" the kid to be safe and not take risks. We are crippling them from taking calculated risks. In fact the kids are not even taught to learn to calculate risks. We teach them to avoid them neatly and deftly. Instead, should we not be encouraging them to go beyond the obvious and try new things that are reasonable reassuring them of our help and a hand to lift them when they fall?

Now how often do we do hear or say the following statements to our kids.

"Baby, that dress would not suit you, so you don't go for it.".

"You know what, I guess you got to concentrate more on the sciences. Your English is awesome, but thats not going to feed you everyday in your life.".

"I guess this course is better than that".

We constantly keep on making decisions for them. We take pride in being good parents because we "helped" them with seemingly "tough" decisions. But who is a good parent? The one who decides things for them or helping kids decide. Of course we have the experience for we have crossed a long way before we became parents but do we give at least one minute to stop and think if our experience is relevant enough? Are our times the same our children's? Then why are we forcing our experience on our kids?

Is this the reason why most of us are not able to cope when slightest mishap or disappointment happens?

So who is a good parent - the one who teaches how to divide 3 pieces of cake amongst 6 of his friends or the one who simply says give half to each?

How many times have we run across people who vividly describe what sort of person they are! May be, first starting with education and career, ending up with their goals. Or on a personal front, describing their lives, their friends, their hobbies and what-nots.

There is always a trace of wanting to be somebody that they admire or just some image of themselves that they feel good about. There is not anything necessarily wrong with this. It provides people a goal to work towards to.

But what if you feel like you are nobody - is that bad? Isn't that an opportunity to be whatever you chose to be at any given point of time instead of trying to be someone? Isn't each of us living the life already lived by someone already in some capacity? We are what everyone in the world is and we are what everyone in the world is not. We are all the same and the different people at the same time. May be, there is no point in going around and carrying a bloated 'I' , 'Me' and 'Myself'. Just because we experience different things at different points of life does not mean we are different from one another. Just like water taking the form of the container it is contained in, we are taking the form of the experiences dished out to us. May be we chose them, may be we did not. But thats not the point, we are just the sum of incidents we are actors of and the audience of. In some sense being nobody is as big a feat as being anybody.

Like a lot of other things in life, success is also abstract. What success means to one , does not necessarily mean the same thing to another. We all know that and probably have come to terms with that. (There are cases when one has to "succeed" in the eyes of another person - a child has to do something so as to be acknowledged as successful in the parents' eyes or an employee in manager's eyes or in Indian culture, parents have the peer or social pressure to do certain things to be branded successful parents - bringing up the child and make them successful people in the eyes of the society, and like marrying their wards off etc. But then this is an entirely different arena.)

Having said that the term 'success' has an evasive meaning that differs from eye to eye, how often do we realize the meaning ourselves? Are we smart enough to figure out we have grabbed the elusive golden apple? Or is it just a mirage and we keep running behind it? Is there no such thing as success? Is it purely psychological factor - to give man a hold in life so that he does not go 'astray'? (If success does not exist, then failure is non-existent as well . What a bliss that would be) Or is the notion of success formed so that people are held accountable for something when they live as a society? Why does the train of what needs to be succeeded at grows? I guess someone might as well do some research about success as it still seems to be an unexplored area.

Assuming 'success' exists, do we care enough to define success on our own terms? Do we even give it a thought apart from being materialistic or tactic? If living life on our terms means success, how many of us really succeed in life? Or is it considered a social failure? How is that we don't recognize success with as much clarity as we do with failure? How does one exactly feel like when he or she goes on doing thing without bothering to realize that he or she has just succeeded or failure? If the success of failure to make us learn better and fail better and finally achieve the so called goal, is there such a thing as failure of success?

Going by dictionary meaning, 'cognition' is "the psychological result of perception and learning and reasoning". So it is possible that we run into conflicts because of the so-called cognition since our mind (or rather right brain) is involved (by definition, cognition is not purely analytical or logical). But how do our minds deal with such conflicts? For example, supposing there is something that we have always badly wanted but facts stand that, it is impossible to get it, how many times have we convinced ourselves that the thing we wanted is not worth it after all? Does it remind of the classic fox-and-sour-grapes fable? Yes, the grapes are not worth the jump because they are sour, it is not the fox that is not worth the grapes because it is not tall enough to reach them. May be there is a psychological term for such conflicts (I am sure there is).

Our minds are the most beautiful and awe inspiring entities. It is still amazing despite the whole lot of useless justifications it can draw to deal with the situations - our failures, our successes, others' successes, our anger and almost every possible positive or negative reaction even after we "learn" the causal logical reasons behind these happenings.

Is it good or is it bad? I think it is very subjective. Just as our body has an immune system to deal with when it gets hurt in form of bruises or diseases, I think it is just a form of immune system to deal with mind's bruises. In this sense, it is good and in fact needed.

But there are countless instances where this a severe handicap. For instance, we are so keen on justifying that we forget to deal with refreshed facts. That needs smartness . To be able to deal with new realities and to unlearn old things and learn new things are as important as recovering from mind's bruises. If any human mind is capable of doing that, then there would be no 'Monty Hall' problems or there would no one whose mind is superior over the others. And what a dull place would that make since there is no scales we got to live up to?

• What if we are all nice people in the world? Will be able to appreciate that someone is actually nice?
• What if we are all alike in the world? Would we still ill treat and kill people for a different reason other than racism?
• What if Man is the not at the top of food chain? Would we still be concerned about perishing animals and near-extinct being?
• What if we are all taught at school to respect the people we live with, the earth , the sky and whatever we come into contact with, instead of scientific reasons behind things? Will situation be different now?
• What if there are no expectations on us? Will life be easy?
• What if there is no such thing as 'success'? Will there be struggles and sacrifices to capture the monstrous mirage?
• What if we have multiple lives to choose from? Will we still be unhappy and unsatisfied?
• What if someone actually creates life? Would we still believe in God and fight in his name?
• What if war and diseases are God-made instead of man-made? Has He done that as a means of control for human population?
• What if all that we see - different forms of lives, all phenomena - natural and artificial, started as accident and all that is happening is for setting it right? Will all this perish at some point?
  

I am quite curious to know how many people differentiate between being sentimental and being in love. There seems to be a thin and almost invisible line between the two. When I feel sentimental about something or someone, I think I have a feeling that I put on a false front - the 'ought' component comes in. I 'ought' to be doing so and so and the worst part of it, someone else 'ought' to be doing so and so. There is no liberation in this since we sort of set the expectations that one 'has' to do this and that.

Love or affection is all about reaching out minus the niceties and expectations. It is so simple that it seems so elusive and most often misconstrued. It does not expect anything. On a similar note, I keep wondering about the caption in the one of the ads - 'We all change for the ones we love'. I do not agree with that. Love does not really expect any sort of change in the other. Love is all about accepting the person as he or she is and finding a right balance to be able to connect and relate with the person surpassing all the differences. This does not mean that there is no emotional binding between the individuals. It simply means that you care so much for the person and you trust the person so much that you ensure that he or she has enough room and hence is more comfortable.

There is no such thing as 'unconditional love' since love by definition itself is unconditional. Love actually liberates instead of being bound to something.

We have had many people talking about National freedom. We have talked enough of it - the sacrifice, the struggle, the long list of people who laid their lives for the common cause, the atrocities committed and a whole lot of other things. We all know that. We have talked about that. We acknowledge all the sacrifices that they made in the form of many national holidays. So thats not the what this blog is all about.

This blog is about what freedom means as an individual. More often than not, it is seen as conflicting with values and questions like "Where does the compromise on values start and hence freedom start?" arise. Is personal Freedom necessarily a compromise of values? May be not. Values does not mean restricting oneself and freedom does not mean "becoming bad". Freedom is to be able to do what one perceives as 'correct' in accordance to his or her highest sense of righteousness. Hence, freedom is in accordance with values. It is more like a paradox. The knowledge of values (wrongly conceived as restrictions) actually liberates you. This gives us the capability to give mutual respect for each other's personal space and at the same time be intimately associated. This will make us realize that whatever others do, how we react to other's actions is solely our liberty. End of it all, we are at liberty to chose our state of mind from a zillion different options - anger, sadness, gloom, desperation, sheer dejection or ecstasy. This also empowers us to be at peace with ourselves irrespective of what is happening around us. We are not only free, but we are obliged to take the responsibility for what we end up doing wholly. I guess it is this responsibility or rather the shrinking from this responsibility or the fear to take this responsibility that makes us feel that we are in chains at times, while we truly are not.

Many of us run into situations which provide us with the opportunity (or is it ordeal?) to step into an unfamiliar territory. And many of us turn it down because of our mind says it is risky and the fear factor steps in. There is nothing abnormal about this. Almost all of us grew up in the environment where we are always asked to be careful. No one says 'Take the risk and face it squarely'.

There are many instances in life when we hesitate to start something, when we hesitate to end something, when we lose a job, or fear to be assertive even in situations that hurt us badly. We always think ' When I feel less afraid, I will go ahead with the plan'.

What we fail to realize is that unless we keep stepping out of our comfort zones (and in the process expand our zone of comfort), we will never grow. And each time we consider stepping out of the comfort zone, fear will grip us. There is nothing wrong in feeling the fear. But what makes us stagnant is doing nothing about it. The only way to overcome the fear is to go ahead and do what we fear. The moment we decide to take responsibility for the fear and handle it, it gives us a positive momentum to handle it and whats more, we are already doing something about the fear.