It was a hectic Friday evening when I came down to the cafeteria to get a cup of coffee to make me march forward towards the weekly goal that seemed like miles too far. The lady who makes the coffee smiled warmly and said, "Your usual Sumi?" and it looked like I could have some extra caffeine to see the end of the day. I replied to her, "How about a double shot medium latte, instead of single shot small?". She said, "Of course. Looks like you are very tired". I managed to shed a sub-standard smile and simply nodded. She made the coffee to my request and wished back, "It is a Friday Sumi, things will get better! You have a wonderful weekend and get some rest". More than the coffee, it was the conversation that pepped me. I feel I get down to the cafeteria to have a small chat more than to have coffee. I sometimes return with just milk. (Well, it is a big thing for a coffee freak like me.)

On a Monday morning and everybody scrambles to get into the building and race up the stairs to be on time for the meetings. I join this crowd practically racing from the parking lot. A gentleman held the door for almost five of us ahead of him. I waved to him and getting the door. He responded, "Let me get the door for you ma'am" with a warm smile.

"Dumbo, you ok?", a friend of mine asked when I got into the car to do our usual carpool. I managed to nod a yes, but I could use a lot of sleep after the hectic travel with not-so-normal health condition. Though, I don't like to be pampered and pestered with questions, this one really warmed me up. No further questions asked beyond that but it was a great gesture.

Yahoo! messenger popped up a new mail notice. It was from a school time friend, from India. After the usual formalities and the engrossing description of her tour, were two statements that seemed very out of place and caught me by surprise. "Do you like what you are doing of late? Don't try to be what you are not. It does not scale well." It was like an omen out of no where, especially when we haven't met each other for two years now. A command that is too hard to ignore and the underlying care that is warms up anyone..

"Hi, how are you?", a stranger greeted me in a grocery store with a broad smile. I was forced to smile back and I am glad that I did smile back. Fake it or not, it stuck to me throughout the day.

"Why are you not speaking everyday?", many family members keep throwing up this question. I think I am not of talkative nature - especially I cant bend down to normal formalities when there is no substance. I don't think it is a proud statement. It is rather an incapability to speak mundane things. A casual conversation may be a connecting bridge in many relationships. My nature is more of a liability than an incentive. But does it really prevent me from connecting with people? It takes a long while to understand that expressions of affection or care does not have to do with how much I speak but it has much to do with what I do. It just takes more time for others to look beyond the surface to find what really matters. People who care to do that stick around.

Significant something at the hour of need or insignificant nothings every day - whatever be the case, it is human nature to connect with others. Even a loner has something to connect to. I think it is really far fetched to complain that we are making thin relations since we are always running in the fast paced world. It is us who are blind to small things that people do. We are just too busy to notice the sweet nothings or somethings.

On a cloudy Sunday morning, I carried my steaming hot mug of coffee to the patio and over looked into the vast expanse of the sky. A bird of the branch seemed to be chirping "how are you doing lady?"

At that instant are innumerable answers..

The optimist in me sings back, "All is well, I can't be happier and better."

The pessimist in me sulks, "Things didn't go the way I wanted. Though it is not bad, it could have been a lot better."

The realist in me says in a matter-of-fact tone,"Things are good till now. How long it is going to be so is the frightening unknown."

The cynic replies, "It does not matter how I do at all at the moment. I am sure everything and everybody is as determined as ever to alter how I do."

The defensive person in me asks, "Why on earth do you want to know..".

The introvert assumes that the question was not meant to me.

The extrovert asks back, "Am doing great. How is your day.."

The ambi-vert simply nods.

The avoidant hears the question but ignores it.

The emotionalist is moved by the fact that someone is asking how I am doing and sheds tears of gratitude.

So who the hell am I?
Is all of them me?
What face comes out in what situation?
Is there is a conflict between these types and confuses me?

With so much transitions in my life, I sat back and questioned myself, what do I really miss from my previous era of life (almost like another life) for me..

I was quite surprised , frankly stunned and found it extremely strange that I really miss me or what used to the inseparable part of me. I mean, i don't seem to spend quality time with myself. Oh, not in terms of taking care of me bodily. That is very well taken care of, if not by me, by my family. It is about spending time with me in terms of doing things that seem to expand me, the inner me. Like sipping a nice & hot cup of coffee, in ultimate quietness and enjoying the cup with thoughts of some thing i read about or seen and weighing it and try to form an opinion; Like listening to music in a room to call it my own, in serenity without anyone asking me why i was silent or comment about the old songs that i listen to. I love listening to music in the night, in the darkness and tranquility the music and full gravity of lyrics seem to hit me more and transport me to another plane. I cant remember the last time I did that; Like reading a good book that I simply cannot put down and be left alone with my book and my thoughts, sitting back and thinking about what I read after I am done with the book; A little solitude when I wanted solitude, being far from internet and cell phone; And so on..

All these are not possible now. There are many reasons of why this is not possible. For one, my world was unshared with anyone and I had complete control of it. I cannot do that now. Rather, I would not want to do that now. Thinking about it, I think my challenge is to find something that would replace the activities that I enjoyed and still enthrall me. And I believe that it would solve the problem of to finding ways to reconnect with myself. How to go about doing that, is something I am fiddling with. But I am sure I would find someway or the other. What makes it look positive to me is, this is not something that is unique to me. Everyone would probably face this at some walk of their life and almost all manage to cope with it. Why not me? Besides, I cannot claim that I am unhappy. I am just missing a part of me. For a happy mind, the possibilities are innumerable.

In the era when everyone is thinking about saving endangered species and in the age of blue cross, this seems to be a very tough decision

On a fine weekend day, I and my friend get into a conversation about the movie that we watched. We have different opinions about the movie, which is normally the case. Apparently, this was one of the most awaited Tamil movies and unlike most Tamil movies, this was worked on for over 2 years. The movie watchers community was all ga-ga about the movie. Supposedly a historical movie about one of the powerful rulers of Tamil Nadu - one of the most elite rulers - the Cholas, who I must say I admire the most. After all, their reign was not called "Golden era of Cholas" for nothing.

I do not have any prejudice about the director and hardly do I go to movie with great expectations. But this movie was down right an injustice to the way Cholas lived. I consider that as an insult to the Cholas. I am sure not many would share that opinion. But I dare say, I do have that opinion. Beyond all this, the second part of the movie was blatantly gory - oh, too gory for South Indian standards. Now, this is where I and my friend have strongest difference of opinion. According to my friend, this movie cannot even be described as "gory" if compared to Western movies and that is when the word "globalization" cropped up. That is something I do not understand. "Globalization" does not mean we lose our identity in the international arena. (BTW I do not include clothing or partying as being attributes of identity. Identity goes above and beyond all those. Another overly abused word.). Globalization is applicable to economy, industry etc etc. But there are certain aspects that are local. I am sure the director did not want to take the movie for international audience. Movies are meant primarily for local audience, appealing to their taste and is strongly connected to their way of thinking at present. Globalization in the movies may be limited to "how" movies are taken purely from technical and technological standards but "what" is the movie all about is strongly local. I am of the opinion that this is one of the most strongly abused words of all time, even worst that IT jargon. There are certain aspects that are strictly tribal. Food, way of thought and what is appealing and what is appalling are few of them. All business magnets realize this, may be the common people don't.

If globalization means setting international standards for everything, why would McDonalds in India sell Panner tikka burgers? Why not sell the raw meat burgers that they sell in US?