Simple yet elusive..

"Mommy, can I learn cycling?".

I was drawn by a kid's request when I was onto my way to the fiction section in a renowned book store. The kid must have asked seeing some posters that were lying around - posters of a boy whizzing past a shop in a bi-cycle. I was curious to know the mother's answers and like many of the protective mothers, the answer was a strict "NO" and of course the big NO was justified gory details of what would happen if the kid happened to fall, the hurt and the pain and even to the extent of taking an antiseptic shot. If I were 5 years of age and I were the kid placing the request, I am sure I would not have asked the question again. I am sure I would have pictured myself a cripple given a kid's vivid imagination.

Now, it is not a very uncommon thing. Mothers are concerned about a kid's welfare and are the first ones to put their heart and soul in recuperating their kids. It is a natural protective maternal tendency. But that does not give them a damn right to intimidate them. Kids have a natural inquisitiveness and drive and thrust for doing things that they have not done so far. But we as parents, while we enjoy when they take their first step, tie their hands and feet from doing things that would really open their world. In so doing, intentionally or unintentionally we pass the wrong messages to the kids.

I would salute the mom who would have answered the cycling without painting a gory picture of pain and agony, saying, "You are not yet old enough to drive a cycle of your own. You might fall down and get hurt. You will be able to do that one day, but it is not time. However, we can do something else that you might enjoy. How about a cycle with supports. Later on, we can take the supporters off and see if you can manage. If you can, and even if you get hurt then, it would be bearable and am always there to take care of your bruises". Now that does not sound too negative and of course, there are various versions of the same. But you get the point anyway. Borrowing a word from a friend's vocabulary of frequently used words, we "condition" the kid to be safe and not take risks. We are crippling them from taking calculated risks. In fact the kids are not even taught to learn to calculate risks. We teach them to avoid them neatly and deftly. Instead, should we not be encouraging them to go beyond the obvious and try new things that are reasonable reassuring them of our help and a hand to lift them when they fall?

Now how often do we do hear or say the following statements to our kids.

"Baby, that dress would not suit you, so you don't go for it.".

"You know what, I guess you got to concentrate more on the sciences. Your English is awesome, but thats not going to feed you everyday in your life.".

"I guess this course is better than that".

We constantly keep on making decisions for them. We take pride in being good parents because we "helped" them with seemingly "tough" decisions. But who is a good parent? The one who decides things for them or helping kids decide. Of course we have the experience for we have crossed a long way before we became parents but do we give at least one minute to stop and think if our experience is relevant enough? Are our times the same our children's? Then why are we forcing our experience on our kids?

Is this the reason why most of us are not able to cope when slightest mishap or disappointment happens?

So who is a good parent - the one who teaches how to divide 3 pieces of cake amongst 6 of his friends or the one who simply says give half to each?